My daughter and I are leaving tonight to drive to Missouri for my son's graduation from Military Police school. Should be an intersting trip. One of the difficulties faced by a divorced person is dealing with her children. Even if the children are grown when their parents divorce, there are still issues to deal with. Children are basically selfish individuals (regardless of age) and are concerned about how everything is going to effect them. They have in their little heads an ideal outline for their lives. Usually that ideal outline includes Mom and Dad staying right where Dick and Jane left them when they moved out. But who said we get to follow the ideal outline for our life?
We've come a long way in the past year. We've gone through all the emotions of grieving something we all lost - disbelief, hurt, fear, anger - and now we are finally at the acceptance. This is the new normal and this is the way it's going to be from now on and we aren't all going to die from it! One mistake we did make in the aftermath of the divorce is not going through these emotions together. We all went our separate ways and dealt with it the best we could on our own. I'm hoping that during the seemingly endless hours of driving and plenty of alone time that my children and I can finally talk about all of the things we've gone through this past year and lay our old lives to rest once and for all so we can move on with our new lives.
Remember us as we travel the next couple of days and if nothing else, you know I'll come back with at least one story to tell!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Great Outdoors Initiative
Please go over to my other blog, Crazy Old Lady With a Shotgun and read my post there about the so-called Great Outdoors Initiative. Thanks!
P.S. For those of you who are not computer knowledgeable (I won't call any names!) go to http://crazyoldladywithashotgun.blogspot.com. You should be able to just click on the link.
P.P.S. I apologize for the language if it offends anyone.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Back in the Saddle Again
Yes, faithful followers of my blog (all 4 of you) I am back. While there haven't been any momentous occasions for me to blog about, I do feel the need to update you. As for the kitchen remodel, it is still not 100% complete but my kitchen is completely functional! I still have some painting and touch-ups to get done but for the most part it is like I wanted it - complete with a new air conditioner. I know - I put it off as long as I possibly could but by the end of July I was dying. So I broke down and bought one. Of course the first one I bought was the wrong size so I had to take it back to get the right size. I am absolutely no good at eyeballing something and being able to tell you what size it is. (Sometimes that's a good thing) So, after getting the right one and having a nervous breakdown while it was being installed, I now have a cool house. At least until the first power bill comes. Then I'll probably turn it off again and never use it! Of course, every day I drive up the road to my house expecting to find the smoking ruins of it because the air conditioner shorted out and caught it on fire. I know, sometimes I'm overwhelmed by own optimism. But so far so good.
My son is graduating from his advanced training in MP school with the Army. He told me last night he is up for honor graduate and I am so excited for him. Even if he doesn't get it, to graduate at the top of your class is still an honor. Believe me, he didn't inherit that from either of his parents. I'll be glad to get him back home so I can undo all the Army has taught him and turn him back into Mama's baby. Just kidding - but I do look forward to spoiling him some.
I know my last post was at the end of May, which as you all know, is my birth month. I believe I posted about turning 47. I think I look fairly decent for a 47 year old grandmother and have been pretty happy with my appearance so far. But the other day I had some issues. I got up as I normally do each morning and got dressed for work. Now, when I get dressed, I usually just look down to make sure that a. my clothes match, b. that they are not wrinkled and c. that my underwear is actually under my clothes. Important things to check at this stage of life. When I got to work and went to the bathroom I noticed in the mirror that something looked wrong in the chest area. The girls looked crooked! I checked it out and figured that my top had shrunk and the pattern on it was now crooked, making the girls look crooked. So I tugged and pulled and tucked until the pattern was straight but they were still crooked. This annoyed me all day and I even asked one of the guys if they looked crooked to him. (This is a humbling experience, trust me!) He thought they looked normal but I knew something was wrong. It looked like my chest had a stroke and one side was drooping drastically as a result. By the time I got home I was just thankful to be there and didn't give the girls another thought until I started to get dressed this morning. First, I looked in the mirror, full frontal without anything on. (If you are reading this and know me, try not to get a mental image - it will haunt you the rest of the day.) True, one looked a little different than the other but not too very much. So then I started to put on my bra and that's when I noticed it. One strap was at the normal position and the other strap was let completely out! Why didn't it occur to me to check this yesterday? I could have avoided all that psychotic behavior, wouldn't have had to ask one of the men I work for (yes, for!) to check out my boobs, and could have walked around without my arms folded in front of me. I think the saddest part of the whole day was that my boss thought I looked like I always do! I can't even begin to process that at this point.
My son is graduating from his advanced training in MP school with the Army. He told me last night he is up for honor graduate and I am so excited for him. Even if he doesn't get it, to graduate at the top of your class is still an honor. Believe me, he didn't inherit that from either of his parents. I'll be glad to get him back home so I can undo all the Army has taught him and turn him back into Mama's baby. Just kidding - but I do look forward to spoiling him some.
I know my last post was at the end of May, which as you all know, is my birth month. I believe I posted about turning 47. I think I look fairly decent for a 47 year old grandmother and have been pretty happy with my appearance so far. But the other day I had some issues. I got up as I normally do each morning and got dressed for work. Now, when I get dressed, I usually just look down to make sure that a. my clothes match, b. that they are not wrinkled and c. that my underwear is actually under my clothes. Important things to check at this stage of life. When I got to work and went to the bathroom I noticed in the mirror that something looked wrong in the chest area. The girls looked crooked! I checked it out and figured that my top had shrunk and the pattern on it was now crooked, making the girls look crooked. So I tugged and pulled and tucked until the pattern was straight but they were still crooked. This annoyed me all day and I even asked one of the guys if they looked crooked to him. (This is a humbling experience, trust me!) He thought they looked normal but I knew something was wrong. It looked like my chest had a stroke and one side was drooping drastically as a result. By the time I got home I was just thankful to be there and didn't give the girls another thought until I started to get dressed this morning. First, I looked in the mirror, full frontal without anything on. (If you are reading this and know me, try not to get a mental image - it will haunt you the rest of the day.) True, one looked a little different than the other but not too very much. So then I started to put on my bra and that's when I noticed it. One strap was at the normal position and the other strap was let completely out! Why didn't it occur to me to check this yesterday? I could have avoided all that psychotic behavior, wouldn't have had to ask one of the men I work for (yes, for!) to check out my boobs, and could have walked around without my arms folded in front of me. I think the saddest part of the whole day was that my boss thought I looked like I always do! I can't even begin to process that at this point.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Deja Vu All Over Again
I know I have gotten very lazy about posting lately but as I titled a previous post, life happens. I've been busy working at the ballpark 4 nights a week, church on Wednesday night, working on my kitchen, and writing letters to my 20 year old, homesick baby at basic training. Good news though - ball season ended last night and my kitchen is almost finished so that will be two things I'll mark off my list. Still have graduation parties, a party at my house in June, 4th of July celebrations and my son's graduation September 2. Where did summer go?
I've also been struggling with some personal issues that I haven't told my friends or family about. We'll see how many of them check my blog on a regular basis now by the questions I get from this!
Since I already have my summer scheduled (something every single weekend until July 10th so far!), posting new stuff on the blog will be scarce. I promise if you don't hear from me soon, I will have tons of stories to tell when summer is over. The trip to my son's graduation for 9 hours in a vehicle with my ex should be inspiration for a ton of them. So if I don't talk to you again here, have a great summer. But if something hilarious or life changing happens in the meantime, I'll be here to share it with you.
I've also been struggling with some personal issues that I haven't told my friends or family about. We'll see how many of them check my blog on a regular basis now by the questions I get from this!
Since I already have my summer scheduled (something every single weekend until July 10th so far!), posting new stuff on the blog will be scarce. I promise if you don't hear from me soon, I will have tons of stories to tell when summer is over. The trip to my son's graduation for 9 hours in a vehicle with my ex should be inspiration for a ton of them. So if I don't talk to you again here, have a great summer. But if something hilarious or life changing happens in the meantime, I'll be here to share it with you.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Happy Birthday to Me!!
Yesterday I turned 47. 47!!! How did that happen? I don't feel any different than I did at 46 and I'm the same size now that I was at 16. If you don't believe it look at my driver's license! My weight hasn't changed in 31 years. I do think the last time I renewed my license though, the lady kind of smirked when she asked me if there were any changes and I said no. Back on track now - 47. That's not even a milestone birthday. So how did I end up who I am and where I am at the age I am? Who knows?! One day I was a senior in high school with my whole life ahead of me; the next day I was a mother and wife; the next day my kids were grown, I was a grandmother and I was single again.
Birthdays have never bothered me until now. Now I think, "Wow, I'm 47 and not getting any younger (or slimmer apparently) and there may be a chance that I'm all I'm going to have for the rest of my life." Can I spend the rest of my life living alone? I guess that one remains to be seen. There are days when I have hope that Mr. Right will come along and make me his wife. But there are other days when the loneliness seems to overwhelm me and I am truly afraid of being alone. My birthday was one of those days when the loneliness won out. To quote Scarlett O'Hara though, "tomorrow is another day!" (and Mr. Right better get his butt in gear!)
Birthdays have never bothered me until now. Now I think, "Wow, I'm 47 and not getting any younger (or slimmer apparently) and there may be a chance that I'm all I'm going to have for the rest of my life." Can I spend the rest of my life living alone? I guess that one remains to be seen. There are days when I have hope that Mr. Right will come along and make me his wife. But there are other days when the loneliness seems to overwhelm me and I am truly afraid of being alone. My birthday was one of those days when the loneliness won out. To quote Scarlett O'Hara though, "tomorrow is another day!" (and Mr. Right better get his butt in gear!)
Friday, April 30, 2010
Still Here!
I know I have been a very poor blogger but life has a way of intervening in your best laid plans sometimes. Since my last post about the infamous flat tire (did I tell you I forgot to set the parking brake so the tire was spinning while I was trying to put it back on?), life has been busy. - My kitchen is now ready to be painted and then my cabinets can go back in. It will be so nice to have a working sink again. I'm not sure I'll know what to do with myself.
- My garden is in the ground and looking kind of sad. So far I think all it will probably make will be green beans and potatoes.
- My son left for basic training. I know he's 20 years old but when I read the letters he writes home, I still see my five year old little boy with the buzz haircut and the cow-lick in the front (or as he used to call it, a deer-lick!). My mommy instinct is to go out there and bring my baby home but my common sense tells me that sometimes being a good mommy is letting go. I hate my common sense right now and if it ever goes to sleep I plan on killing it!
- I've been working the concession stand at the little league field four nights a week. What can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment. What's really sad is that in a couple of more years, my GRANDSON will be out there playing on those fields. Man, is my daughter getting old!
- Lastly, it will soon be a year since I moved out and started a new path for my life. I look back at all the things I've been through or dealt with (like the mouse in the washing machine) and I realize that I've got an inner strength that has seen me through. For the first time in a long time, I feel some sense of normalcy about my life. I've settled into a routine and try to weave and bob with the punches that are thrown my way occasionally. I've learned a few things also. 1. I don't have to be in control all the time. (Hello, my name is Lisa and I have control issues. It's a family thing) It really is okay to let others do things. 2. Settle for less than perfect. (more control issues) Everything does not have to be just so. There have been times when my brother has been in my house and I know he thought, "Does she ever clean this place?" I do clean but I'm not obsessed with it. Seeing as I've been living in a construction zone for the past six months, there's just not a whole lot you can do to clean. The best I've been able to achieve so far has been livable. Since I don't cook much at all, I don't have to worry about the health department shutting me down. 3. 100 years from now, who's gonna care? Maybe not even 100. Maybe only 20 or so. Who's gonna care that part of my cabinets sat on my porch for several months? Or that the yard looks like the wilderness is trying to take it back? Or that I didn't wash my sheets for a month? (seriously, if you're clean when you go to bed why change them every week?) 4. If I never marry again, I will survive by myself. It's not what I want but if it's just not in the cards for me again, I can accept that.
The old saying that "Life is what you make of it" is true. All the things that have happened to me could have been seriously depressing and I did struggle with those feelings from time to time. But when all is said and done, you just have to go on living. So if any of you who read my blog, (all four followers and some of you lurkers out there) are going through difficult times, the sun will shine again. Hang in there - like a hair in a biscuit! (thanks Steve for the quote - love that expression!)
- My garden is in the ground and looking kind of sad. So far I think all it will probably make will be green beans and potatoes.
- My son left for basic training. I know he's 20 years old but when I read the letters he writes home, I still see my five year old little boy with the buzz haircut and the cow-lick in the front (or as he used to call it, a deer-lick!). My mommy instinct is to go out there and bring my baby home but my common sense tells me that sometimes being a good mommy is letting go. I hate my common sense right now and if it ever goes to sleep I plan on killing it!
- I've been working the concession stand at the little league field four nights a week. What can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment. What's really sad is that in a couple of more years, my GRANDSON will be out there playing on those fields. Man, is my daughter getting old!
- Lastly, it will soon be a year since I moved out and started a new path for my life. I look back at all the things I've been through or dealt with (like the mouse in the washing machine) and I realize that I've got an inner strength that has seen me through. For the first time in a long time, I feel some sense of normalcy about my life. I've settled into a routine and try to weave and bob with the punches that are thrown my way occasionally. I've learned a few things also. 1. I don't have to be in control all the time. (Hello, my name is Lisa and I have control issues. It's a family thing) It really is okay to let others do things. 2. Settle for less than perfect. (more control issues) Everything does not have to be just so. There have been times when my brother has been in my house and I know he thought, "Does she ever clean this place?" I do clean but I'm not obsessed with it. Seeing as I've been living in a construction zone for the past six months, there's just not a whole lot you can do to clean. The best I've been able to achieve so far has been livable. Since I don't cook much at all, I don't have to worry about the health department shutting me down. 3. 100 years from now, who's gonna care? Maybe not even 100. Maybe only 20 or so. Who's gonna care that part of my cabinets sat on my porch for several months? Or that the yard looks like the wilderness is trying to take it back? Or that I didn't wash my sheets for a month? (seriously, if you're clean when you go to bed why change them every week?) 4. If I never marry again, I will survive by myself. It's not what I want but if it's just not in the cards for me again, I can accept that.
The old saying that "Life is what you make of it" is true. All the things that have happened to me could have been seriously depressing and I did struggle with those feelings from time to time. But when all is said and done, you just have to go on living. So if any of you who read my blog, (all four followers and some of you lurkers out there) are going through difficult times, the sun will shine again. Hang in there - like a hair in a biscuit! (thanks Steve for the quote - love that expression!)
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Being Divorced Hits Home
I had a flat tire this morning. Not really earth shattering news but you know me - there's a story!
I noticed yesterday evening that my tire was low. Logically I should have gone to the gas station and aired it up then but I didn't. I thought it had enough air in it to make it to work this morning and one of the guys would plug it for me (Hey Travis!). This morning I saw that it was too low to drive on so somebody was going to have to change it. In the old days, I would have gone back in the house and told my husband it needed changing, but this isn't the old days anymore. I thought about who I could call but decided I could do this myself.
After unloading all the crap I tend to carry in the trunk of my car at any given time, I got the spare and the jack out of the trunk but couldn't find the lug wrench or the little thing to make the jack go up (I don't know what it's called!). I went inside and called one of my bosses to get him to bring me a lug wrench and a thingy and he told me he would be over after he dropped his son off at school. So, I go back outside and pick up some big piece of particle board looking stuff that goes in my trunk and there the two tools are on the back of it. So, I go back inside to call my boss and tell him I found them. Then I go back outside to change the tire.
The tire changing itself went relatively smooth. I got the car jacked up and the flat off with little trouble. Putting the spare on was another thing. The car wasn't high enough to get the spare on so I jacked it up some. Then it was too high and since I'm kind of lazy and didn't want to lift the spare up even an inch, I let the car down some. Too much. So I jacked it back up again. I still had to lift the spare but I finally got it on.
All of that seems rather boring so here I'll give you the fun details. I had already taken my hair out of my curlers but had not fixed it before I went out to change the tire so I had these big sausage curls all over my head. Of course the early morning dampness took care of them in short order and I ened up with my hair pulled back in a clip for work. I leaned forward too far one time and hit my already made-up nose on the tire so I had a black smudge on it. My hands of course were covered in black stuff and I was having an OCD attack thinking about all the filth that tire had run over. But the best part - THE BEST PART - was that I still had on my pink jammies and my fuzzy pink house shoes while I was changing the tire!
Get a mental picture now: Hair hanging down around my face in fat droopy curls, smudge on the nose, hands covered in black gunk, me on my knees beside my car wearing pink pajamas and house shoes trying to wrestle a spare tire onto my car. I'm telling you, life just doesn't get more glamorous than this!
So today, the full realization that I am truly divorced hit me in the nose worse than that tire did. Would I change my status to go back to where I was this time last year? Not on your life. Would I choose to live next door to a man that's handy with a jack instead of out in the sticks? You betcha!
I noticed yesterday evening that my tire was low. Logically I should have gone to the gas station and aired it up then but I didn't. I thought it had enough air in it to make it to work this morning and one of the guys would plug it for me (Hey Travis!). This morning I saw that it was too low to drive on so somebody was going to have to change it. In the old days, I would have gone back in the house and told my husband it needed changing, but this isn't the old days anymore. I thought about who I could call but decided I could do this myself.
After unloading all the crap I tend to carry in the trunk of my car at any given time, I got the spare and the jack out of the trunk but couldn't find the lug wrench or the little thing to make the jack go up (I don't know what it's called!). I went inside and called one of my bosses to get him to bring me a lug wrench and a thingy and he told me he would be over after he dropped his son off at school. So, I go back outside and pick up some big piece of particle board looking stuff that goes in my trunk and there the two tools are on the back of it. So, I go back inside to call my boss and tell him I found them. Then I go back outside to change the tire.
The tire changing itself went relatively smooth. I got the car jacked up and the flat off with little trouble. Putting the spare on was another thing. The car wasn't high enough to get the spare on so I jacked it up some. Then it was too high and since I'm kind of lazy and didn't want to lift the spare up even an inch, I let the car down some. Too much. So I jacked it back up again. I still had to lift the spare but I finally got it on.
All of that seems rather boring so here I'll give you the fun details. I had already taken my hair out of my curlers but had not fixed it before I went out to change the tire so I had these big sausage curls all over my head. Of course the early morning dampness took care of them in short order and I ened up with my hair pulled back in a clip for work. I leaned forward too far one time and hit my already made-up nose on the tire so I had a black smudge on it. My hands of course were covered in black stuff and I was having an OCD attack thinking about all the filth that tire had run over. But the best part - THE BEST PART - was that I still had on my pink jammies and my fuzzy pink house shoes while I was changing the tire!
Get a mental picture now: Hair hanging down around my face in fat droopy curls, smudge on the nose, hands covered in black gunk, me on my knees beside my car wearing pink pajamas and house shoes trying to wrestle a spare tire onto my car. I'm telling you, life just doesn't get more glamorous than this!
So today, the full realization that I am truly divorced hit me in the nose worse than that tire did. Would I change my status to go back to where I was this time last year? Not on your life. Would I choose to live next door to a man that's handy with a jack instead of out in the sticks? You betcha!
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