Sorry about the lack of posting last week. This is my busiest time of year because I'm the bookkeeper for the company I work for.
On a personal note, I found out my divorce was final on January 12th. I didn't really feel anything when my lawyer told me. I had gone through all those emotions when I signed the papers. If I felt anything I guess it would have to be a sense of relief that it was finally settled. Now maybe my ex and I can build new lives that will be better than we had together. I wish him only the best. I will never be happy about this entire situation. There is a profound sense of sadness when a marriage ends the way ours did.
On the homefront, hopefully my remodel is about to be finished! My sister and brother-in-law will be here Friday to help my brother try to finish it out. It will be so nice to have a fully functional kitchen again. It's pretty hard to wash dishes when you have to get the water from the bathroom! I definitely appreciate all the hard work my brother and brother-in-law have done on my house. And of course, I couldn't argue with the price!
My posting may be sporadic for a while but I will do my best to get back on track as soon as I can get through this week and next so just hang in there with me.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Home Improvement 101
A week after I left what had been my home for the past 18 years, I moved back into the house that had been my home for the first 18 years of my life. My parents had deeded their house to me years ago. After doing that, my Daddy had to be moved into a nursing home where he died a few years later. My Mother was moved into an apartment in town to be near me so I could help keep an eye on her. Less than a year after Daddy died, Mama died too. I became an orphan. So, here I was, 46 years old and moving into the house I grew up in.
To say it had fallen into a state of disrepair is putting it mildly but I didn't care. I had a roof over my head, four walls to keep out the critters and doors that I could lock to keep out two-legged critters. It didn't take long, however, to realize it was going to need a bit of fixing up. My brother, being the wonderful person he is, told me he would help me out with this. The immediate need was the kitchen. The floor was sagging underneath the kitchen cabinet, the ceiling was sagging overhead and the walls were covered in a layer of grease from years of Mama's cooking. Time frame for this repair would be about a week. So my sister and brother-in-law came out from Texas to help with the work - and then the rains came. Not just sporadic showers but downpours that tended to last all day long. It rained almost every day. The land my house sits on is good old red Alabama clay. Starting to get a mental picture here?
What a mess! The floor joists had rotted out and had to be replaced. Everything my poor brother tried to do took twice as long because he was having to work in the mud. The mud even sucked the heel off one of his work boots! He told me if I found it, it was his. One day when I came home from work part of the kitchen floor was missing and I could see the water running under my house from the constant rains! My brother was leaving about to go home for the day so there I was with this hole in the floor. I mean the size of about 2 feet by 10 feet - missing. He assured me he would be back the next day but I had to spend the night with the hole in the floor. Before I went to bed, I turned on his big work light and sat it near the hole to discourage critters. Then I closed my bedroom and bathroom door so if some critter did decide to come in, it couldn't get in my room! The next morning I very carefully opened the door and prayed I wouldn't see a possum, coon, squirrel or even a skunk sitting in my kitchen floor. Luckily there was none there.
After a week, I was down to no ceiling, no wall, no cabinets, and no kitchen sink but I did have a brand spanking new floor that didn't bounce when you walked across it! That was October of last year. That's pretty much where I've been since that time. My brother works on it when he can and I have a wonderful excuse for not cooking. Do you have any idea how hard it is to cook without a kitchen sink? It makes washing dishes pretty sucky too. But I've made it through. I've lived with things I didn't think I could deal with and I have no sympathy for people who whine and complain about their houses or some minor inconvenience they have to deal with like a broken dishwasher. Boo Hoo! When you have to carry water from the bathroom sink to wash dishes in a dishpan on top of your freezer, then you have my sympathies.
It's been tough at times to deal with all this work going on but I wouldn't trade the peace of mind I have when I come home to my house the way it is now for the best house in town to be miserable in. There's a lot to be said for peace of mind.
To say it had fallen into a state of disrepair is putting it mildly but I didn't care. I had a roof over my head, four walls to keep out the critters and doors that I could lock to keep out two-legged critters. It didn't take long, however, to realize it was going to need a bit of fixing up. My brother, being the wonderful person he is, told me he would help me out with this. The immediate need was the kitchen. The floor was sagging underneath the kitchen cabinet, the ceiling was sagging overhead and the walls were covered in a layer of grease from years of Mama's cooking. Time frame for this repair would be about a week. So my sister and brother-in-law came out from Texas to help with the work - and then the rains came. Not just sporadic showers but downpours that tended to last all day long. It rained almost every day. The land my house sits on is good old red Alabama clay. Starting to get a mental picture here?
What a mess! The floor joists had rotted out and had to be replaced. Everything my poor brother tried to do took twice as long because he was having to work in the mud. The mud even sucked the heel off one of his work boots! He told me if I found it, it was his. One day when I came home from work part of the kitchen floor was missing and I could see the water running under my house from the constant rains! My brother was leaving about to go home for the day so there I was with this hole in the floor. I mean the size of about 2 feet by 10 feet - missing. He assured me he would be back the next day but I had to spend the night with the hole in the floor. Before I went to bed, I turned on his big work light and sat it near the hole to discourage critters. Then I closed my bedroom and bathroom door so if some critter did decide to come in, it couldn't get in my room! The next morning I very carefully opened the door and prayed I wouldn't see a possum, coon, squirrel or even a skunk sitting in my kitchen floor. Luckily there was none there.
After a week, I was down to no ceiling, no wall, no cabinets, and no kitchen sink but I did have a brand spanking new floor that didn't bounce when you walked across it! That was October of last year. That's pretty much where I've been since that time. My brother works on it when he can and I have a wonderful excuse for not cooking. Do you have any idea how hard it is to cook without a kitchen sink? It makes washing dishes pretty sucky too. But I've made it through. I've lived with things I didn't think I could deal with and I have no sympathy for people who whine and complain about their houses or some minor inconvenience they have to deal with like a broken dishwasher. Boo Hoo! When you have to carry water from the bathroom sink to wash dishes in a dishpan on top of your freezer, then you have my sympathies.
It's been tough at times to deal with all this work going on but I wouldn't trade the peace of mind I have when I come home to my house the way it is now for the best house in town to be miserable in. There's a lot to be said for peace of mind.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Waffle House
When was the last time you went to Waffle House? My last time was about 7 or 8 years ago at about 3:00 in the morning. No, I had not been out doing anything I shouldn't have. I had gone with my daughter and one of my friends to the Galleria at 1:00 in the morning for a special sale they were having at Thanksgiving that year. I think it was called Shop Around the Clock or something like that. The highlight of the entire trip was eating at Waffle House afterward. Sad but true. Not that I didn't enjoy a million people packed into a very small space. Or a very old Davy Jones from the Monkees singing "Cheer Up Sleepy Jean" - in person. But I realized at that moment there was nothing in that building that could ever again entice me to leave my bed and my home in the middle of the night and venture out among all those crazy people. Why, I ask you, was I the only one in there who had any sense? Those people were insane.
Our shopping strategy was simple: my friend stood outside and hung over the balcony trying to breathe, my daughter darted all over the store bringing me things to look at, and I got in line to check out as soon as we walked into the store. Insanity. Thank goodness I came to my senses and never went on another adventure like that again.
Anyway, last night after church, I enticed another friend of mine to visit the local Waffle House. Don't know why but I did and SHE AGREED! (Who's the crazy one?) It wasn't very crowded when we got there but the few people inside all stopped to watch us walk across the parking lot and into the building. I'm not sure but I think my friend's zipper may have been undone. She's been doing that a lot lately. We had already walked past a man outside who was pacing from one end of the building to the other talking on one of those earpiece phones so he looked like he was talking to himself. The one's inside were no better. We sat down and had immediate service. After the waitress fixed our drinks and brought them to us, she stood beside our table - and waited. (What else should a waitress do?) She waited while we looked at the menu. We hurried and ordered thinking she would leave and we could talk but she kept standing beside our table. She called out one order to the guy in the back and then after what seemed like five minutes she called out the other order. It was just very strange that she kept standing there beside us.
We got our food quickly and then were able to watch behind the scences as the waitress fixed herself a waffle only to drop it on the floor when it was done. To her credit she did throw it away. By the way, never look behind the scenes at a Waffle House. It's not that pleasant. I'm not even sure I saw a health department rating. The food was good though. We got up to leave when a church van full of teenagers came in to eat. How sad that your church's youth outing is going to Waffle House. Give those kids some money for a retreat or a mission trip or something!
After being chatted up at the register by the parking lot guy, who we found out was a bounty hunter, we left. I can't speak for my friend but I've had my dose of Waffle House to last me another 8 years or so. And if I keep treating my friends like this, I'm going to have to find new ones!
Our shopping strategy was simple: my friend stood outside and hung over the balcony trying to breathe, my daughter darted all over the store bringing me things to look at, and I got in line to check out as soon as we walked into the store. Insanity. Thank goodness I came to my senses and never went on another adventure like that again.
Anyway, last night after church, I enticed another friend of mine to visit the local Waffle House. Don't know why but I did and SHE AGREED! (Who's the crazy one?) It wasn't very crowded when we got there but the few people inside all stopped to watch us walk across the parking lot and into the building. I'm not sure but I think my friend's zipper may have been undone. She's been doing that a lot lately. We had already walked past a man outside who was pacing from one end of the building to the other talking on one of those earpiece phones so he looked like he was talking to himself. The one's inside were no better. We sat down and had immediate service. After the waitress fixed our drinks and brought them to us, she stood beside our table - and waited. (What else should a waitress do?) She waited while we looked at the menu. We hurried and ordered thinking she would leave and we could talk but she kept standing beside our table. She called out one order to the guy in the back and then after what seemed like five minutes she called out the other order. It was just very strange that she kept standing there beside us.
We got our food quickly and then were able to watch behind the scences as the waitress fixed herself a waffle only to drop it on the floor when it was done. To her credit she did throw it away. By the way, never look behind the scenes at a Waffle House. It's not that pleasant. I'm not even sure I saw a health department rating. The food was good though. We got up to leave when a church van full of teenagers came in to eat. How sad that your church's youth outing is going to Waffle House. Give those kids some money for a retreat or a mission trip or something!
After being chatted up at the register by the parking lot guy, who we found out was a bounty hunter, we left. I can't speak for my friend but I've had my dose of Waffle House to last me another 8 years or so. And if I keep treating my friends like this, I'm going to have to find new ones!
Friday, January 15, 2010
Decisions
First of all, I want you all to know that this was an amicable separation. My ex and I still talk and we even had our Christmas day meal together with our children. There isn't really any anger between us so we are able to be around each other and still feel comfortable. I do still love him, just not the way husbands and wives love each other. You can't spend 21 years with someone and then just walk away without any feelings or at least I couldn't. We had a life together, we have a history and share many memories of raising our children. Some of the effort we make to be with each other is because of our children. Even though our lives are upside down right now and the children are grown, we still want their lives to be relatively untouched by the divorce as much as possible.
The decision to leave was not easy and wasn't made on an impulse. During the course of our marriage we both focused all our energies on raising our children when we weren't working. Our life consisted of doing everything with them and for them. Don't get me wrong about that. I believe that parents should do all they can to support their children and encourage them in whatever endeavor they try but not to the exclusion of your marriage. Unfortunately, no one ever told us that. I used to try to talk to my husband and tell him that one day, the children would be grown and gone and we would look at each other one day and wonder who that stranger was living in the house. Our lives centered around them that much. I even tried to talk him into going for counseling but he told me he was happy with our life. That made one of us.
I knew as long as my children were in school, I would never leave. Once my youngest graduated from high school, our lives were still on the emotional rollercoaster they had been on for several years and it just never seemed like a good time. (when is?) Within 3 months after graduation, my daughter had our first grandchild and my husband's Grandmother had her 90th birthday party (June), we had our big 4th of July party and my husband's sister and her family were here from Texas and came to spend the night with us (July), and my father-in-law unexpectedly passed away (August). After my father-in-law's death, I decided it was time to fix the marriage or put it out of its' misery.
I tried to turn back into Susie Homemaker. I cooked more like I did when the kids were growing up. I made more of an effort to keep house (definitely not my strongest point!), and I talked to my husband about us making it work. We both agreed to try our best. We made a conscious effort to be more affectionate to each other and even started sleeping in the same bed again (for the most part). But one day I felt like I was the only one making the effort so I just stopped everything. No more kisses when we left each other or to say good night, no more begging him to come to bed to sleep instead of sleeping in the recliner, nothing. I'm not sure he even noticed. If he did he never said a word. I knew then that it was over. I didn't know when I would leave but I knew I would.
The decision to leave was not easy and wasn't made on an impulse. During the course of our marriage we both focused all our energies on raising our children when we weren't working. Our life consisted of doing everything with them and for them. Don't get me wrong about that. I believe that parents should do all they can to support their children and encourage them in whatever endeavor they try but not to the exclusion of your marriage. Unfortunately, no one ever told us that. I used to try to talk to my husband and tell him that one day, the children would be grown and gone and we would look at each other one day and wonder who that stranger was living in the house. Our lives centered around them that much. I even tried to talk him into going for counseling but he told me he was happy with our life. That made one of us.
I knew as long as my children were in school, I would never leave. Once my youngest graduated from high school, our lives were still on the emotional rollercoaster they had been on for several years and it just never seemed like a good time. (when is?) Within 3 months after graduation, my daughter had our first grandchild and my husband's Grandmother had her 90th birthday party (June), we had our big 4th of July party and my husband's sister and her family were here from Texas and came to spend the night with us (July), and my father-in-law unexpectedly passed away (August). After my father-in-law's death, I decided it was time to fix the marriage or put it out of its' misery.
I tried to turn back into Susie Homemaker. I cooked more like I did when the kids were growing up. I made more of an effort to keep house (definitely not my strongest point!), and I talked to my husband about us making it work. We both agreed to try our best. We made a conscious effort to be more affectionate to each other and even started sleeping in the same bed again (for the most part). But one day I felt like I was the only one making the effort so I just stopped everything. No more kisses when we left each other or to say good night, no more begging him to come to bed to sleep instead of sleeping in the recliner, nothing. I'm not sure he even noticed. If he did he never said a word. I knew then that it was over. I didn't know when I would leave but I knew I would.
I don't want to paint my spouse as the bad guy. I wasn't exactly the perfect wife all those years. Our marriage had issues all along and I just don't believe I'll get into all of that here. My children may read this and I fully believe that children do not need to know intimate details about their parents' relationship. But the one thing that we were both guilty of was a lack of communication. We did not talk about any of our problems or about anything for that matter. We truly had become roommates. So I strongly encourage everyone who is married if you don't talk to each other - start. If you do talk but not about problems - change. If you talk about everything together - don't stop! Silence will kill a relationship.
I won't usually post on the weekend unless I just happen to come by my office for something. So if you check in and don't find anything new, come back on Monday.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
P.S.
I am very new to blogging so hang in there with me guys. I'm learning as I go and I promise I will get better at this!
In the Beginning
In May 09, my life changed drastically. I was married, the mother of two, grandmother of one and 46 years old. I had lived the American dream and should have been content but there was something missing. So, on Mother's Day, I packed a suitcase, waited for my husband to get home from visiting his Mother, then told him I couldn't do it anymore. I left my home of 18 years that day and went to stay with some friends before moving back into the house I grew up in. How many emotions can run through your mind and body at one time? MANY! I felt relief that I had finally told him it was over. I felt sad for all that had been lost. I was worried about being alone and supporting myself. And, much later on, I was happy that there was a new life waiting for me and I was ready to find out what that life would be.
This story is not a new one because I know thousands of women have done the same thing but it is new for me. In future posts I'll write about the other emotions that showed up later on, moving back into the house where I grew up and the frustrations (and funny moments) about trying to remodel that house with my brother, sister and brother-in-law. And you will also find out some things about my marriage - the rise and fall.
I started this blog because my sister and several friends told me I should write about my adventures in remodeling my house. I know everyone who has ever remodeled has stories to tell but I can guarantee you I have some new ones. How about the night I spent with half my kitchen floor gone so I kept a huge light on in there, hoping no wild critters would come in? Or the night I came home to find that I had no outside wall, only a sheet of plastic separating me from the elements? Or when I tried to wash clothes after a hard freeze in the deep south and found a geyser shooting up out of my kitchen drain? These are just a few of the things that I've usually tried to find humor in but sometimes I fell miserably short of that goal and dissolved into a blubbering pile of jell-o! So if this sounds interesting to you, check back in (I'll post at least once a day) and come on this journey with me. A side note to my family and friends - if I need to I will change the names to protect the innocent but if you have been my partner in crime at any time you're out of luck!
This story is not a new one because I know thousands of women have done the same thing but it is new for me. In future posts I'll write about the other emotions that showed up later on, moving back into the house where I grew up and the frustrations (and funny moments) about trying to remodel that house with my brother, sister and brother-in-law. And you will also find out some things about my marriage - the rise and fall.
I started this blog because my sister and several friends told me I should write about my adventures in remodeling my house. I know everyone who has ever remodeled has stories to tell but I can guarantee you I have some new ones. How about the night I spent with half my kitchen floor gone so I kept a huge light on in there, hoping no wild critters would come in? Or the night I came home to find that I had no outside wall, only a sheet of plastic separating me from the elements? Or when I tried to wash clothes after a hard freeze in the deep south and found a geyser shooting up out of my kitchen drain? These are just a few of the things that I've usually tried to find humor in but sometimes I fell miserably short of that goal and dissolved into a blubbering pile of jell-o! So if this sounds interesting to you, check back in (I'll post at least once a day) and come on this journey with me. A side note to my family and friends - if I need to I will change the names to protect the innocent but if you have been my partner in crime at any time you're out of luck!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)